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الأربعاء، 16 أغسطس 2006

Love Them, or Loathe Them?

what do you find in the newspaper everyday?

  • two nations unleashing hell in a central park?
  • chelsea splurging millions of dollars on yet another "star player" when people are suffering from poverty in third world countries?
  • a decapitated corpse was found in a cupboard of a motel whereas the head was squeezed into a tiny milo tin with the brain juices oozing out?

similar news has been featured on the newspapers day after day and people never really get sick of it ya? as technology advances, new weapons are invented and tested in wars between countries such as iraq and pakistan..now, kiling in war has evolved beyond bullets and bombs..we torture the enemies till their very last breath with incredible bio-weapon..it causes cells to explode in one's body and tears the heart apart through muscle strengthening? well, thats my imagination with no apparent knowledge bout all these stuff..

amazing enough, a stranger to the global and local news like me woke up at 8am, sat down on the sofa drinking a glass of HL milk, and read the newspaper?! i believe that's the 1st time in several months since i last read the newspaper on my own initiative..what was that in the newspaper? creative and ipod involve in a lawsuit?! how come i know nothing about it? that's because you havent been reading the newspaper, a voice in my head rings..suddenly, i feel like im a frog in the well..croak, croak..

as the bell strikes noon, the choir starts to sing and rays of light flood into the entire catheral, embracing every single soul with warmth to salvage them from their loneliness, fatigue and sorrows..i could suddenly see the light glaring into my sleepy eyes..ta dum..so that's what im supposed to do, im supposed to read the newspaper starting from today onwards..even though it took me 17 years to realize it, it's always better late than never..

up to this point of my entry, i suddenly realize that i havent touched on my theme yet..well, that's me..im the one who always stray away from the main objective and find out only after loads of crap..click..back to the main channel..

today's headlines had certainly caught my eye and seduced me into reading the once-thought-silly-piece-of-junk..in case ur wondering how it seduced me, there was a finger stroking the downside of my chin and a husky voice teasing beside my ear, "eat me..hmmm.. " i could feel my lungs burning within me as i swallowed my saliva down my throat and i was totally aroused by the mystery and pleasure..unable to stand the heat, i started to... ...
(the above content is rated m18 due to expicit details for wild and erotic imagination..)

man, why cant the damn fan work? i just bought it a fornight ago at best for 45 bucks..haiz..i guess its one money one good..

ok, back to the topic..see, i drifted away again..haiz..on the headlines it reads: Koizumi Defies Critics With Shrine Trip..for those who dont know who he is, Koizumi is the current japanese prime minister..well, not for long as he is stepping down in a month's time..in case u still do not know who he is, he is the guy who has long white hair which fluffs and curls upward at the tips, resembling a lawyer's "headgear"..as for the shrine, it refers to the infamous Yasukuni war shrine..it is constructed to commemorate the deaths of japanese soldiers in the world war 2..coincidentally, his visit to the shrine yesterday falls on the day which marks the end of world war 2 for the japs..this enraged several nations such as china and korea and...blah blah blah...things go on..aparrently, i aint fond of the reactions by the nations and aint going to discuss bout them here..

here's what i wanna talk about..this shrine was built in memory of the "brave", "heroic" japanese soldiers that had died in the world war 2..what do you think? are they really heroes? if i could still remember my facts clearly, only one or two years ago did the japanese government expose their doings during the world war 2 to the rest of japan..the japanese have been kept from the truth for decades and regard the fallen soldiers as heroes..to make things even more intersting, the fact states that 14 Class A war criminals are actually honored by the shrine?!?!

i personally feel that the japanese soldiers were actually brave figures..they fearlessly rampaged and conquered several lands through the command of their intelligent miliatry leaders..without these attitude and brains, how can one possibly work towards conquering the world? however, as resourceful as they might be, they have definitely used their talents for the wrong purposes..beacuse of their massacre as they roamed from place to place, countless lives were sacrificed..homes were destroyed and hearts were terrified..anyone who survived through the invasion was most probably scarred for life and his/her life had certainly lost much of its value..

so, should they be admired? do we treat them as war criminals or patriots? i would surely admire someone who dies for his country just to protect it..but what about one who fights for his country just for the sake of conquering? i dont have an answer to it..if i say i loathe them, what about genghis khan then? he's someone i admire a lot..he dares to dream, has the greatest ambition one can possibly have, fears nothing but feared by all, possesses outstanding vision, has the guts to take on a seemingly stonger enemy and is respected by all as a great man, a great leader..however, he conquered so many lands and caused so many deaths..so, what makes him different from the japanese? perhaps the reason is beacuse he didnt lost and surrendered in any of his wars whereas the japanese did? that's just a wild guess by me..or maybe, we can calculate all these by substracting the marginal costs from the marginal benefits of their actions..

all men are born to fight as it's the only way to grow stronger, isn't it?

yawns..i guess im beat for the day..
cya..

الأربعاء، 9 أغسطس 2006

Bored! Entry

im feeling very bored now..so here i am, blogging..lol..
i dont know what to write though..
any suggestions?

national day? nah, not interested..the celebrations are so similar all these years..cant they come out with something more interesting and different?

exams? nope, im not going to stress myself out again..

piano? well, im currently playing lizst and mozart..

food? my mum's cooking tom yam tomorrow..yeah! lol..=p

love? come on, i have so many things to attend to and there's no time for me to look for a girlfriend ya?

emotions? mixed? BORED!!! that is definite..ha..

ambitions? i want to be a great figure on an international level..it's fine if you doubt me now because i admit to my weaknesses..however, you will soon notice some changes in me..very soon..im going to be greater than you can ever imagine..

me? arrogant, ambitious, lazy, emotional, strict on others, bad at social interaction, greedy, easily provoked and horny?! lol..

am i a good lover? well, it's for me to know and for you to find out..why dont you come and gauge for yourself? lol..no offense..i was just trying to get a little cheeky..=p

someone in mind? im not denying but i currently have one in mind, AND IT'S A GIRL!!! (this is emphasized specially for some nothing-better-to-do people out there who always spread useless rumors around..you know who you are..lol..=p ) who is it? my ex-girlfriend? the girl next door? nah, im not going to tell you..lol..=p

*yawns*

im feeling tired now..cya..

The following message is just for a girl named Daphne Ding:

lol..i thought i was forgotten when i went to visit your blog and didn't see my name in the list of people you thanked..but in actual fact, my name was the BIGGEST and was in bold at the bottom of your entry..lol..glad you like the tune i transposed specially for you..=D let me think of what to give you for your birthday next year..hmmm..bring a bouquet of roses to your school and give it to you in the middle of your lessons? lol..=p that's it for now..take care ya? ha..

السبت، 5 أغسطس 2006

Special Entry: Quit Messing With Me!!!

When i knew that your friend is coming to our house, i took an hour off just to do the groceries and get all the stuff required..u didn't ask me to..I FUCKING DID IT MYSELF!!! u know why? BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR FRIENDS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE RELATED TO YOU!!! and what did i get in return? ur insults and ur sarcasms..do u think i deserve all these? DO YOU THINK I FUCKING DESERVE ALL THESE???

just because you're my mum, it doesnt give you the rights to poke a finger into every aspect my life..STAY OUT OF MY LIFE IF ALL YOU KNOW IS INSULTING ME!!! i had enough of all this crap and im not going to allow it to happen again..

IF YOU THINK THAT YOUR SON, YAP MING JIE, IS A FUCKING LOSER, YOU BETTER CHANGE YOUR OPINION OF ME!

i love you mum, but is that how you love me? by calling your a piece of junk in front of your friends, is that how you show care and concern for me? do you know how hurt i feel? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING PAINFUL IS IT FOR ME???

by now, u should know why i never want to grow up to be like you and dad..

WTH?! WTH?! WTH?!

WTH?!

i created an entry last night and i witnessed it being posted up with my very own eyes..MY VERY OWN EYES!!! and guess what??? IT'S GONE!!! G-O-N-E!!!

WTH?!

i decided not to post it up again because i cant remember what i had written now..anyway, this morning i slept at 4am and woke up at 8am..u must be wondering why i only slept for 4 hours despite not having any activity in the day..actually, i didn't choose to wake up but i had no choice..still in my dreams, i felt a terrible itch at my right eye..so, i rubbed it a little..however, instead of the itch going away, it intensified..unable to bear the itch anymore, i decided to walk to my kitchen and wash my eye at the sink..damn! it didn't help at all..what could it be, i thought to myself..

i went into the toilet and looked into the mirror..HOLY SHIT!!! something was swelling at the edge of my eye..it's big and red and looked ABSOLUTELY GROSS!!! i was rooted to the spot..what the hell is that?! when i was still a child, my mum used to say that when a guy peeped at a naked lady, something would grow in his eye..man, no way can it happen to me..besides from a couple of magazines with scandily dressed females, i didnt watch anything else..AND I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T PEEP AT ANY LADY!!! without much delay, i quickly went over to the clinic opposite my block..(as usual, the nurse still looks sweet..lol..jjk..=p )

"it's an infection..you must not wear contacts forever.."

WTF?! THAT SERIOUS?! i was taken back by the shock..it's nt a month or two..it's FOREVER!!! DAMN!!!

"haha..i was just joking..you only need to avoid contacts for a week..it's just a minor infection..applying eye drops will do the trick.."

if i had a knife at tt moment, i would have stabbed it deep into the doctor's chest and clawed out his internal organs..what a time to joke when ur patient is dead serious about the medical report..it's not even the least funny..

anyway, my doctor is a humorous guy..it's wasnt the first time i was tricked by him either..if im not wrong, this should be the third time..ha..DAMN YOU, DOC! lol..i guess i never learn my lesson..

Next Entry: Inflexibilty

الخميس، 3 أغسطس 2006

As Far As I'm Concerned, I've Failed..

for this 17 years, what have i achieved significantly? the answer is nothing..

while i was pondering over what i should include in my lyrics ystd at KAP's mac, i realize that i couldn't do a shit about it..do u noe y? this is because i don have good command over my languages at all..for the past 10 years, i was taught the proper usage of languages in my primary and secondary schools..for 10 damn years, i have been fooling around and not realizing tt languages could be so important in life..i thought, if i have the right tools for work and a little intelligence, why do i need languages then..sounds relevant ya? if i have e brains to create wonders, y shld i need to know about english and chinese?

i was wrong..i commited this grave mistake for 17 years..languages are so damn important in our lives and we just cant go far without good command of it..languages are tools for effective communication..u need to know how to express urself in the right way so that others can understand your ideas and opinions..if a task can be done by onself, one can succeed even without proper usage of languages..however, what if u need a team to create something really outstanding..if you have poor command in ur languages, ur teammates might not be able to understand u..thus, even if u came out with a reali wonderful idea, it would be a wasted..no one is going to use your idea, no matter how good it is, if they can't understand what ur trying to put across to them..

since i was young, i loved, and was loved by music..i fell in love with singing at e age of 4 and started learning piano at e age of 5..however, i realized something when i was fourteen..not only was i able to express my emotions fluently and clearly through the playing of piano, i was also born with the gift of melody writing..i was rather delighted to discover this talent as it gives me an advantage in the pursue of my greatest dream--becoming a singer..in order to take a step further, i decided to try writing lyrics since there was no excellent lyrist around me..god has already sent me several warnings in e past though mediums known as teachers..however, i just cant be bothered and ignored them..now, i realize how miserable i am..i cant write any fucking verse for a song even when i have an abundance of ideas..that's because i could not find any relevant phrases or words due to my poor command in languages..

if only i have realized it sooner..if only i heed my teachers' advices previously..how regretful..

as far as i'm concerned, i've failed..

regarding my music, i will be taking my grade 8 piano exams this year, in mid september..and guess what? out of the 3 exams pieces that i've chosen, i have only finished learning 2..so that leaves me with 1 piecet? nope, it's actually 2..apparently, my 2nd piece still sounds like a load of crap and requires a great deal of practice..frankly, im nt e least motivated to play the pieces at all..since my break-up with her last year, i've lost my touch in piano playing..i was unable to express myself because i couldnt feel my my music anymore..i tried to regain that touch but it just seemed like an impossible task..now, i fucking hate to hear my piano playing because it sounds so damn disgusting..no feelings, no fluency, u might as well call it shit-playing..

i noe my teacher is reali disappointed and a bit pissed with me because i havent progressed a single bit since april..im stil stuck at e same old spot..im stil fucking playing my pieces wrongly and making the same mistakes over and over again..but what the fuck can i do about it? it's not like i didnt try or anything..i have physical limitations with my wrists, making it harder for me technically..and as time progresses, im more and more aware of my problem..i just cant do it technically..

i just feel like tearing my scores away and tell my teacher that im nt going to take e exams anymore..but i cant do tt..i will disappoint a lot of ppl out dere and also let myself down..with only one and a half month left, what can i possibly do? besides, i stil have my poly exams to handle soon..which area should i put more efforts in? i dont fucking know..piano practising requires a long period of practising while exams requires a shorter period..but with both drawing near, i cant make up mind..i feel so lost..it seems that i still havent come out with e best solution for this situation..hmmm..rather then saying that, y dont i rephrase it? my senses and thoughts are all messed up and i just cant think in e right way..im losing the will..i hope i can wake up before its all too late..

As Far As I'm Concerned, I've Failed..

FUCK! i just cant continue writing this entry anymore..everything doesnt link together and it's a total mess..sorry ppl but i guess i'll continue this next time..i'm nt in e mood right now because i feel quite fucked up now..my apologies for the frequent usage of vulgarities..e more i try to write, the more pathetic i feel because of my english and stuff..haiz..i hope im nt a goner yet..

Next Entry: Undecided

دردشة حية

 
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